On turning thirty….

So this one’s about me….not the baby. Who am I kidding, it’s ALWAYS about the baby in some way or another, she is what makes me whole!

I turned thirty on Friday, three whole decades on this planet. I used to think thirty was old, grown up, adult – but boy, I definitely don’t feel those things.  I sat on Thursday night, thinking of everything that’s happened in the last decade, and as life events go – it’s been monumental.

In my twenties (in no particular order) I fell in love, I forged my first relationship (and all the other firsts that go along with that!). I got a “proper” job (and also resigned that “proper” job almost a decade later). I visited 6 different countries. I got engaged. I got married. I bought a house, and two cars. I got a dog, and then a cat got me, and then I got another dog. I fell pregnant, had a baby. Started a business, started a side hustle. Made friends, lost friends.

I’ve experienced loss that made me feel like the world should have stopped turning, and then woken and realised that it hasn’t and life must go on.  I’ve felt paralysing fear – standing in hospital hallways praying that loved ones will be OK.  I’ve learnt that pure joy is truly the little things in life – the small moments that nobody else notices – the squeeze of a hand, a rub on your back, a stolen kiss, a small head resting on your chest, the flowers in your garden blooming, a baby squealing with joy, friends telling jokes so lame you cry with laughter (and maybe wee a little if you’re pregnant). Lazy mornings with the sun streaming through the window, 2 am conversations with friends that you might not remember the next day. The smell of cologne that reminds you of your wedding day, or the piece of music that transports you back to another country. Those are the moments burned into my memory.

Thirty is a big number. An adult number, but yet I still don’t feel like a real adult! I wonder if I ever will. There are a few things I thought I’d like to achieve this decade, but on reflection, they’re mostly material! A better body, financial security, a bigger house, a better garden, a more stylish grown up wardrobe – will these things really matter in 10 years time?  If I really think about it, what I really want is a warm home filled with love and laughter, good food, happy memories, happy people. Some of those material things would help achieve that – and they’re great to strive for, but it’s important to not lose sight of the fact that they are enablers, not the actual goals.

So here’s to thirty, to being an adult but not feeling like one. Here’s to the next decade of growing, learning, changing. Here’s to many more of the small happy moments that make life worthwhile.

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