One year in…..

A year ago today I woke up incredibly early, and sat in our bathroom. I unwrapped a tightly wrapped box, cursing the manufacturers for sealing it so well. I did what needed to be done and sat staring at the little digital screen holding my breath. The little hourglass flashed once, twice, three times, and then the magic word appeared….pregnant.

Since that day, time has seemed to both fly by and drag so slowly! The first 16 weeks after that passed agonizingly slowly. It may have had something to do with the fact that food and smells and life in general became completely nauseating and repulsive. Time dragged between each doctors appointment, and I counted down the days to when I could see my little baby and hear that little heartbeat. Time dragged when we waited with baited breath and sickeningly nervous hearts for 4 weeks for blood results to come back. Time dragged as I counted down the months and weeks until I could hold my precious bundle, the last days of work felt like an eternity and the last month of pregnancy felt even longer. The longest hours of all were those I spent in labour, close to 72 of them filled with the most intense pain mixed with utter exhaustion, excitement that made me giddy and complete fear.

And then all of a sudden someone removed the slow-mo setting. From that first beautiful moment I saw you lifted towards my face, everything has been on fast forward. I can’t believe how quickly these weeks have flown, how rapidly you change in front of our eyes. Today you started making noises we’ve never heard before, but by dinner time, you’re so good at them, it’s like you’ve been making them forever. You’ve changed from a completely helpless floppy bundle into a (still fairly helpless) giggly, bright, alert little pixie- with her own personality and attitude almost overnight.

If someone had told me how much would change in a year, I would have laughed at them. My body has been through astronomical changes and still feels like it’s changing every day. The physical changes alone are enough to boggle my little mind. Growing and birthing a tiny human really is miraculous, and one of the most intense, but amazing experiences I think one can ever have. Our lives have been turned on their heads, in a completely good way!

One year of knowing you’ve existed has been the best year of my life so far. One of the most challenging, but definitely the most rewarding. The almost 4 months of being your Mummy have been the best months of my life so far, despite the sleepless nights, the body that feels alien and hideous to me and the constant fear that I’m not doing things the right way. I’ve loved every minute of this year that’s passed my little Hannah bear, and I know that every year that passes from now on will just keep getting better.

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